I’m one tough cookie. Ask anyone in my family or one of my close friends and they will tell you it takes a lot to rattle me. Perhaps its because I learned to be “strong” at a young age. Both of my parents worked full-time which left us, six kids, to develop thick skin while facing adversities of many kinds. If we wanted something, we had to work for it on our own. Although I never liked rejection, I never let it stop my either. In some ways I took great pride in knowing I could do many things. I would be one of those types of people others relied and leaned on. I loved taking on new challenges and tasks. Working hard was a given and the reward of accomplishing lofty goals was gratifying. Determination often fueled my desire to increase my responsibilities and set new goals for myself.
Fast forward to today. Motherhood is awesome but has its moments where staying at home with my kids and managing our household can be overwhelming. This past week has been hard, real hard. My husband, Rob, is in graduate school. When we agreed for him to enroll in school I knew it would increase my already busy schedule and responsibilities. I had grown used to the evening breaks my husband would give me. I had relied on them to get needed breaks so I could recharge myself for the next morning. I had convinced myself that him obtaining a Masters degree would help our family and I could handle the additional energy it would require to basically become a single mom. I knew it would be hard but I didn’t know how hard it would be to not get any reprieve. There are no evening breaks for me. Rob comes home, eats dinner, and leaves to study. So this is what I do. I push myself to manage everything and everyone despite being stressed out and exhausted.
But a couple days ago my car was broken into. My wallet, phone, and two MP3 players were stolen. This is not the first time this has happened but I will testify, each time it has happened, it is impossible to prepare for the flood of emotions of being violated and having to pay for someone else’s crime.
Rob had his final paper of the quarter due yesterday and wasn’t able to help me process through my emotions. Dealing with credit card companies, banks, and other providers proved to be too much for this thick-skinned girl who was running on fumes as it was. Tired and exhausted from my house/family managing duties I broke down yesterday and just let it all out crying myself to a swollen face. This rarely happens to me because I prefer to just stuff things down so deep and leave it there. But over time emotional crud builds up. I can always tell when its building up when the nerves in my back are constantly tense and I become irritable over nothing. Although this only happens occasionally, it doesn’t take much for something to happen to push me over the edge to the point I cannot function in the way I need to. So my poor husband came home to a distraught wife who vented a good 20 minutes before breaking the suppressed flood gates into a sea of emotions. From there I just sobbed and sobbed.
I was surprised by how peaceful and calm I felt after 10 minutes of releasing all my stress out. Immediately I recognized that it wasn’t peace I was experiencing more than it was grace. Grace to be free from worry. Grace to allow myself a break. I feel much better now. All the things which were stolen will be replaced but the grace I’m experiencing right now is eternal.
Today is a new day and all is good again. I would love to hear how you deal with stress when it builds up. I’m always looking for new ways to handle stress.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Go ahead and let it all out. I wish I was closer to give you my shoulder to cry on…and to help you out at home! Hang in there my friend. Big Hugs!!! I think you are an amazing woman!
..cookies are sweet
Boy, do I understand your feelings on solo parenting. My husband travels with his job, and I get to do the solo parenting thing often. A good cry every once in a while is good for the soul.
Let it out. I feel it healthy to release those bottled up emotions. You will get through this. Stay strong.
I too bottle up emotions too often and end up with a tear-stained swollen face, clutching to my sweetie, and venting all my frustrations. But also like you, I always feel so refreshed afterword: it’s like I have regained my strength and realized once again that I really do have a hold on life.
To manage my stress and my emotions, I create art (drawing, photography), I cook/bake, and I write. I battle Ulcerative Colitis and stress is a trigger for flare ups: I thought one way to manage the stress would be to write about it, so that’s when my first blog was born.
Your writing and photography is beautiful! I’m glad you have such wonderful outlets for yourself…
Oh my, another single parent that is married? Sigh. It sucks huh? I work days & my dh works nights and we have different days off and that is the little joke we make when people comment on our “situation”. We are single parents that are married. It isn’t really that funny of a joke to us though. I hope things get better for you. This is a hard time. My kids are 2 & almost 5 and my older siblings and my Mom remind me weekly that this really is the hardest time, when your kids are young, and that keeps me going.
When I have a bad day 2 things help me get through it. The first is to call my sister, or my mom, or my best friend and vent. My dh can’t be there to listen but I’m not alone. While he is the ear of choice, I’ve found there are many people who love us and will listen to me whine. I just make sure to spread it around and then feed them all yummy food so my whines are forgiven! The second is I sit down in the bathroom with the door shut and alternately pray that the boys are not REALLY going to destroy anything while I have 5 minutes and then I think back to the harder times, the times when I had serious health problems and we had to live with family, our bankruptcy because of medical bills and when my baby was in the NICU. I got through all that crap, I can get through yet another evening of dinner, bath & bedtime without my husband!
This too shall pass sounds blase` but it is true. Good luck and know that we are all here to hear your virtual sobbing.
Honey, I just wanna say I LOVE YOU! My kids and I enjoyed a very special breakfast this morning at Starbucks. THANKYOU!!! Thought of you all morning….
xoxo jaden
We live in New York City, so we deal with the stress of raising a family in a big city. Before kids, I used to excerise regularly and that would really help manage my stress. Now with 2 girls, 17 months apart (the oldest is 3), I am 6 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and the heaviest I’ve been in my adult life. Oh, and in the worst shape of my life. I hope to change that by a move to the suburbs, where my husband’s family lives.
How do you keep in such great shape with all those amazing recipes?
Corinna,
I can totally relate. I way heavier now than I was when I delivered my son. And FYI, food blogging doesn’t help. :/
I can sympathize! My husband just finished four years of full-time Ph.D. work (and he did his Masters several years ago). We have three children, one with ADHD, and we homeschool! He didn’t leave in the evening as often as your husband does, but I was always ready for him to come home and give me even a little bit of a break, so I can definitely imagine how even MORE stressed I would be if I couldn’t count on that!
I’m glad the venting helped. Sometimes holding it all in is a big part of the stress.