What do you call it when seven girls, one little boy, and two dads spend a weekend away in a humble A-frame cabin on a beautiful lake? The best weekend, ever. Last Thursday my husband and our children along with his friend, Joe, and his daughters went away for one last excursion before the new school year would start. I went along for one night but for the rest of the weekend it was clearly a fathers-daughters weekend.

The weekend included a campfire, s’mores, hot dogs, old VHS movies, swimming, and being pulled by a speed boat on a 3 person tube doing doughnuts over and over and over on the lake in hopes someone would be thrown off to the cheers of many riding in the boat. My husband, Rob, is an amazing father. These types of weekends happen with regularity because he takes his role as a father quite seriously. From the moment my oldest daughter, Abigail, was born, Rob relished in his responsibilities as a father of a daughter. He has guided our children with empathy, compassion, understanding, discipline, and unconditional love. He volunteers at school, regularly takes the kids on father-daughters (and now father-daughters-and son getaways) to strengthen the bond between parent and child. Even as I write this, my husband just whisked the kids off to the Seattle Mariners game so I can get a break. Go Rob!

While I was pregnant with Abigail, Rob participated in a parenting class at a local hospital just for new dads. The teacher must have done something right because Rob came home with a deep sense of responsibility to raise our daughter to the best of his ability. He is known among my family and friends as “the dad who is very involved” in the lives of our children and I’m so thankful. Rob invests as much as he can now because we both realize there is a day coming in the near future when other “boys” will grab the attention and affections of our daughters and we hope and pray the time we spend with them now will make a difference as they grow older. And it certainly helps to have wonderful friends and family who also invest in our kids.

What I’m even more thankful for is the very fact that Rob is not alone in his fathering adventures. He has other dad friends who are also very active in the lives of their children and together they go away on these fun trips.

This last trip was special because Rob’s friend, Joe, was joining them for the weekend. Joe is an amazing single dad to four amazing daughters and is the primary caretaker of them. I’m always in awe of my single mom friends who are able to manage and juggle so much work and parenting. But if you were to meet Joe, you would know just how special his relationship to his daughters are. He is their everything, and likewise, they are his everything. He is as active in their lives as any super parent is and to witness their special relationship is very inspiring. Both Rob and Joe are awesome dads.

I was suppose to join them throughout the weekend but because of a crazy incident involving someone accidentally taking my bag at a conference this weekend, I had my car towed, keys lost (but now returned) and no wallet. But in the twenty four hours I enjoyed up at the cabin I was reminded how strong the bond is between fathers and daughters. As a woman myself, I didn’t grow up with an openly affectionate dad. If I fell down, he was not there. And if he was present, I was told to get up and get over it. I understand my father’s parenting skills had a lot to do with cultural differences. But when you’re six years old, what you want to have happen is for your dad to pick you up, ask if you’re okay, kiss your boo-boo, and make it all better. When my daughters are hurting, Rob does everything in his power to make sure they feel safe, love, and secure. This doesn’t just apply to physical pain but to emotional and spiritual matters as well. I know Joe is very similar to Rob in the way they view their role and active participation in fathering.

Watching Rob and Joe this weekend I gained a greater appreciation for the role fathers play in the lives of daughters. They fill a need a mother simply cannot fill. The same can be said about mothers. There are certain things only moms can do fathers cannot. I appreciate dads out there.. and I have a deep respect for single dads, like Joe, who are not only great fathers, but doing the best they can as a single parent. I tip my baseball cap to all the great daddios out there. You are appreciated, admired, and loved.

And for your laughing pleasure… Dad Life.

There are more times than I wish to remember when I allowed fear to become the driver of this journey called life.

Here are a few things fear has done.

Fear disabled me for years in almost everything.  Fear convinced me to say “yes” to so many requests when deep inside I knew I should have said no.  Fear of rejection prompted me to go along with everyone else and at times allowed myself to be the punching bag for other people’s misery.  Fear liked to whisper in my ear late at night telling me I was no good and I would never amount to anything.  Fear liked to remind me of all the times I tried and failed and any thought at future attempts would result in the same.  Fear disguised itself as a well intended friend but in reality was my worst enemy.  Unfortunately, I grew up having fear as a constant companion, life without fear was not an option.  In a sick twisted way, fear was comforting because I could always rely and fall back on it. Oh the irony.

Faith.  My mother used to tell me if I had faith as small as a mustard seed, I could move mountains.

Faith is believing in the unseen.  Faith is working hard believing one day it will produce fruit.  Faith is putting into action today what you hope to accomplish tomorrow.  Faith believes in destiny.  Faith takes the stress out of striving to achieve results on my own and instead relies on trusting everything will come together at the right time.  Faith is the gatekeeper to my heart.  Faith tells me daily where there is love, there is no fear.  Faith shows me it’s not about the destination but it’s all about the journey.  Faith is not living in fear but instead embracing life every step of the way. Faith is not having to have all the answers and believing that when I do need the answers, I will discover them right on time.

When fear begins to close in on me, faith is there to remind me of truth.  When fear throws arrows of doubt straight into my mind, faith reminds of the ways I have overcame fear and will continue to do so when I journey with faith.  Faith also reminds me that fear is a liar.  Fear seeks to disable where faith is an enabler. If I do fail, faith is there to catch me.

Faith reminds me it’s not about me.

Eli sneaking into my suitcase while packing for NYC.

Failing Forward – The Process of Learning From My Mistakes and Coming Out The Other Side
I find myself in a reflective state of mind a lot lately. When I say a lot, I mean exactly that. A year and a half ago my life was completely different. There was no blog of any sort, just the stereotypical SAHM/Soccer mom driving her station wagon from one basketball game to another, followed by soccer season, and finishing the year off with summer swim team. Then I would repeat the process like I’ve always done with a coffee in one hand and the other on the steering wheel.

How I got to this point in my life, I don’t know. I get asked all the time on how I manage everything and once again, I don’t know. I just do it. I stay up far too late and wake up earlier than everyone else. But that would be too easy to just say all you have to do is stay up late and wake up early and your blog will take off. Not so true.

I like to consider myself a student of life. I love to study and research anything that fancies me and after I get bored with a certain topic, I move on to the next. But there are some things a text book cannot teach you. For instance, the school of hard knocks. How does one study this topic? I can specifically recall failing several times in poor decision making on a regular basis. The easy answer would be to learn from my mistakes the first time around. BUT NO… I seemed to have a knack for making the same mistakes over and over again until it hurt so bad I did not think my heart could take it anymore. Until it hurt so bad I surrendered myself to the fact my situation would not improve until I accepted it was beyond my own strength to fix anything. Like manna from heaven, the little courageous part of me started to grow. I started making uncomfortable decisions I knew were the right ones to make contrary to the popular vote. In the long run these decisions would be my saving grace and help me to become more of a whole person.

I remember when I couldn’t set boundaries with people. I would get asked, “Alice would mind doing this…. (YES) Alice could you help me ….. (YES)” I could not say no and my fear of rejection overruled plain common sense. So I went the opposite direction. “Alice… (NO) Alice…. (UM.. NO!!)” And after some time had passed I found a healthy balance of setting boundaries with people who liked to take advantage of my “saying yes to everything” dysfunction. Now days I only say yes to projects I absolutely want to do and people I want to work with. And guess what? I’m not miserable trying to please people. And you know what I learned in the process? You cannot please everyone, and that’s ok!

I could give you countless examples of areas I’ve failed in but you know what? The moment I understood the world doesn’t revolve around other people or even myself I became a happier person. I gave myself permission to take chances and if I failed, at least I tried. There would be no doubting or second guessing. What I’ve learned is this -failing forward requires overcoming life’s challenges. The process in doing this is often ugly, with lots of mascara filled tears, and heaps of self doubt along the way. But I’ve also learned that when fear and faith collide, faith wins every time. Now when I screw up, I accept it as a life lesson and try to figure out what is to be learned from the mistake. I apply it to my life along with wisdom when making decisions. You would be amazed how much farther you can go when you’re not making the exact same mistakes over and over. It is so nice to walk a straight line instead of going in circles! It’s such a simple concept but so many people (including myself) do not get this. In this stage of my life I can definitely testify I have overcome and conquered some big giants in my life. Lies I used to believe have suddenly disappeared to truths that have set me free. Free at last, free at last.. thank God Almighty I’m free at last.

Summer fun in the sun!

I find myself in one of the most chaotic, exciting, overwhelming, but hopeful seasons of my life. It’s crazy to think that not too long ago I started a little food blog to share the food I made for family and friends with the world. Now, in a few days I will be meeting with the editors of Martha Stewart Living and will be the keynote speaker at an all day food blogging workshop – crazy!! When I started Savory Sweet Life I had zero expectations for it except only to use it has a creative outlet for myself. In my last post someone had commented they thought I was depressed. I replied to her comment by sharing a little bit about the time I did experience postpartum depression after the birth of my second daughter, Mimi.

I remember sitting on the living room floor with my back to the wall crying while holding Mimi and watching Abigail play with her growing collection of princess dolls. I felt the crushing weight of the world on my shoulders and all I wanted to do was take a nap but I couldn’t because my older daughter was only 21 months old and needed a mama to play with. Her baby sister was ten weeks old and nursing every couple hours. I was waking up every 2.5 hrs through the night and my longest stretch of sleep was the same. All my energy went into taking care of those girls and the sleep deprivation was effecting me beyond what I could handle. I was also volunteering 10-15 hours a week in a leadership capacity in a MOPS group.  I felt so guilty that my house was a mess, I lacked energy to make it to the grocery store to cook a decent meal, and my husband had to come home to a women who was burned out beyond repair.  Yet I continued to coordinate bi-monthly fellowship meetings for moms and their children.  Ironically these meetings were intended for moms of young children to get a break, except there was no break for me.  Fortunately with the love and support of my husband, family and my doctor, the depression only lasted about two months and life was back to normal.

Six years later and ten months after Eli was born I started a food blog called Savory Sweet Life. The motivation for starting it was purely selfish. You see… I was born to be creative. When I’m not creating something, I don’t feel like myself. And when I’m not myself.. I feel a loss of joy because I’m not doing what I love to do. Right before I started SSL, I was working very hard to make sure everyone else in my family was taken care, as I should be doing. But somewhere along the way I allowed myself to let go of the things I loved to do. Three young kids makes for one loud house. So after everyone went to bed, I discovered how nice it was to have a quiet moment to myself. Because I had made a New Year’s resolution the year before to start a blog, I found that I just needed to get over myself and just do it. So in those quiet moments in the night with a nursing baby on my lap I started Savory Sweet Life. Life would never be the same.

In many ways starting a blog is like giving birth to a child. I had no idea how it would grow and develop but I loved it just the same and worked hard caring for it like I had done and still do with my own children. I still work on it after my kids go to bed and do my best to keep work at a minimum during the day.

Blogging has been a tremendous blessing. It’s not the end all be all but it has given me opportunities I never would have considered or dreamed about just a year and a half ago. It allows me to be at home with my kids and satisfies my need for creativity.

I share this with you for a few reasons. The first reason is for you to get to know me a little bit more. This is how friendships grow. But because I don’t believe in one directional relationships, I would like to get to know you too! Hopefully over time we will become more acquainted with one another. Tell me something about you and leave a link to your site. I will do my best to check them out. I may not leave a comment but I promise to visit – pinky swear.

Reason number two for sharing is to encourage some of you. Perhaps you have a little one at home and feel exhausted and worn out. Maybe you’re holding your baby right now with one hand and using the other one to check emails and catch up on your favorite sites. Or maybe you’re wondering if there is light at the end of the tunnel for the baby blues you’re feeling today. For those of you who can relate to my latter reason I’m here to tell you it does get better over time. It may not feel like it this moment but someday you will look back and remember how hard it was but how in the end it was so worth it.

Finally, there are those of you who may feel like you lost a bit of yourself and have given up on the hobbies you loved to do but don’t do anymore for whatever reason. I’m here to tell you it’s not too late to start again. If you love to paint and haven’t picked up a brush in years, let your inner artist out and create something beautiful and magical. If you love to sing but haven’t in awhile, join a choir and let the music flow up from your heart and out of your mouth. Whatever it is you love to do, take a baby action step today. I promise the moment you do, you will experience joy and peace which only comes from doing what you were meant to do. And who knows where those action steps will take you! You’ll never know unless you try.

Late night game of family tag. Rob's been it forever.

When I came out with the idea to have a separate blog, I didn’t have a clue what I would include. Since publishing it, it still has no clear direction.  This isn’t to say it never will.  I’m just pointing out I haven’t figured it out.  I also should tell you I have issues with the work I produce for public consumption.  It’s called “standards”.  Some would say I’m a perfectionist.  I wish.  My life would be so much easier if I were, trust me on this one.  The truth is, when I work on a project my only goal I set for myself is to do my very best.  It doesn’t have to be perfect but it does need to meet a certain standard of quality in my heart and mind in order for me to be satisfied.

Lately I’ve been unsettled with where I want to take this blog.  I’m more than just a food blogger… I’m a normal, regular person… an everyday Alice.

So help me out please.  I’m asking you to share with me your thoughts in where I should take this blog.  I have found it’s wise to ask others what they think about certain things happening regarding me.  This provides objective information I cannot see for myself.  If you would be so kind to share in the comment section your thoughts, I would really appreciate it.  What would you like to see?  Would you like to see more family focused posts?  It just seems there are so many mommy bloggers out there already… does the internet really need another?  I can’t imagine why anyone would even want to know what I do day to day- or would you?  Or, would you like me to do some sort of tutorial.. perhaps photography.  Although again.. there are many people who already do this and I’m not sure I could add anything more to the discussion which couldn’t already be found by Google.  I relish your feedback because I’m stuck and need your help to overcome this rut.  So will you help me out??

Thirteen years is a very long time to be loyal with a cell phone carrier. But last week I finally made the leap to At&T from T-Mobile. Lured by the new IPhone4, I was as excited as a little child waking up on Christmas morning when the Fed-Ex carrier knocked on my door and handed me a cardboard box. Apparently my reaction was nothing new to the Fed-Ex guy because he had seen dozens of people before me acting quite silly. One of the reasons we wanted an IPhone was for the video capability. I’m hoping the HD video camera on the phone will make up for the poor service connection I’ve been experiencing with the IPhone.

Today I finally had the chance to try the video camera on the phone. My son Eli and I made a short clip for you (but mainly for me) to enjoy. It’s called the Kiss and Zerbert Attack. This is my first VLOG post.. would love to know what you think!  Also, if you have an IPhone4.. do you like the video camera?  I used to own a FLIP and I think I liked my FLIP better.  Oh well!

PS: Have a wonderful Forth of July!

Hollywood and Reality

People watching can be so fascinating to the point it can be down right addicting. Case in point. My husband and I just returned from a trip to Los Angeles for the Dole California Cook-Off. We were treated to a wonderful stay at a fancy hotel in West Hollywood bordering Beverly Hills. Being the un-fashionable person that I am, I probably deserved all those strange glares from the hotel staff and guests the moment I walked into the lobby. Apparently, in Hollywood, showing up with no make-up, hair undone, wearing a baseball cap, and sporting Target sweats is a major no-no. I must have missed the memo on the dress code when our hotel was confirmed – my bad.

Most of the times I don’t care what people think about what I wear but these glares were a bit different. As I looked around the lobby from the hotel staff and all the glamorous people around me, it was apparent I was not in Seattle anymore and that I stepped into a different world filled with plastic surgery, luxury cars, entourages, and bling which was blinding. You would think I was exaggerating on all these points but the truth is, I’m being completely honest! Our stay coincided with a celebrity awards show which explained the swarms of beautiful people everywhere we went. But as I watched all these people it dawned on me how hard it must be to keep up with this kind of lifestyle. Everyone, including men, had evidence of plastic surgery. Middle aged men living out their mid-life crisis with prostitute’s as if it was normal wearing designer clothes and a Barbie doll looking model on their arms young enough to be their daughters.

It’s a bit ironic. In the entertainment industry where it is assumed everything is “over-the-top” in movies and tv was actually over-the-top in reality and that was surreal. In conclusion, I would rather wear sweats, baseball caps, and parade in no-make any day over living the Hollywood life. I came home with a greater appreciation for life and living it with abundantly according to my faith and not by artificial standards of the rich and famous.

Yesterday I was looking through some old photos of one of my trips to Guatemala.  It’s impossible to remember everything that happened but these photos serve as a powerful reminder that everything is relative.  Sometimes I catch myself wishing we had a bigger house or a second car.  And just to clarify “bigger,” I mean more than 1 bathroom.  The reason it works for me to stay-at-home with my kids is because we’ve chosen to live with less.  We make it work.. I’m not complaining.   There are people I know in my circle of friends who are struggling financially just to stay in their homes.  If they lose their home, there is no option B but perhaps shared housing.  Suddenly, having one bathroom doesn’t seem so bad.

Then there are the families I worked along side in Central and South America who have no bathrooms and just an outhouse.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  Everything is relative.   I’m not trying to discount anyone’s feelings and life situation but merely am trying to point out there there will always be someone else out there worse off than you.  If this alone doesn’t plant a seed a gratitude in your heart let me remind you of the other side.

We also know people who live in plush houses triple the size of our home and are quite unhappy.  Sometimes bigger isn’t necessarily better. I believe the farther up you climb the latter of “worldly”" success, the deeper you sink yourself in the “rat race” and cannot escape “keeping up with the Jones” no matter how much you want to believe you were never in the race to begin with. The idea of being content becomes laughable and all the achievements and accolades in the world are never enough.  Again, everything is relative.

I don’t claim to know anything about what makes the world go round, but I am intuitive enough to say that “contentment” is really a great place to be.  When you’re content, it frees you from envy, jealousy, strife, and a sense of entitlement.  Contentment helps you appreciate life and positions you to give freely and live freely with no expectation to receive anything in return.

There will always be someone more successful, more beautiful, more (fill in the blank) than you.  And then again, there will always be those who are less (fill in the blank).  For today I’m going to appreciate my children played all afternoon outside in the glorious sunshine with friends.  Their laughter, singing, jumping, and dancing reminded me how thankful I am to catch these snapshots of their childhood.  Next time my daughter whines about having to do chores, I am going to tell her everything I just shared with you and show her the picture above of the girl who is the same age as her walking miles herding goats.  It’s never too early too learn about relativity and contentment.. don’t you think?

Greenlake

My life is very predictable… some would even call it boring.  Occasionally something new, fun, or exciting happens but these types of things rarely occur.  Here I am on a Monday morning, looking out the window finding myself feeling a bit disappointed because it’s gray, wet, cold, and raining outside –typical Seattle weather.  Being the Seattle native that I am, I’m not sure why I would even be bothered by this, after all, having it rain here is to be expected.

I can’t articulate very well why I’m even the slightest bit upset other than it hit me that somewhere deep inside my heart, I wanted today to be different.  Predictability is safe, but I was hoping for something to indicate to me that today was going to be a bit more exciting. I know that technically Monday is not the start of the week, but it’s the start of my week with the family schedule and all.  Today of all days, I wanted to wake up to blue skies and the sun shining its warmth on me.  I wanted “Monday” to happily surprise me and set the tone for the other days of the week similar to the expectation that is put on the oldest sibling to behave well so the younger ones follow in tow.  I wanted to wake up with an attitude of anticipation and joy.  Instead I woke up grumpy and tired.

There really is no point to this post other than to share with you a little glimpse into my day.  If I knew what was good for me I would have made myself some coffee before allowing the impact of 4 hours of sleep last night get an upper hand on my emotions.  But no, here I am.. tired and broken -keeping it real for you, from me, your Everyday Alice.

As soon as I post this, I’m going to do something a little crazy.  I’m going to make myself some coffee and get this.. I may even add a little bit of flavor to it to spice things up.  Yes folks, I live on the wild side.  Drinking my coffee a little bit different does do me a lot of good.  Choosing to be grumpy today is a choice and I’m choosing to take a small action step by doing something a little different to help mentally get over this slump.  If coffee is my therapy of the morning, so be it.

Just venting about this already makes me feel better and hopefully the rest of the day will follow suit.  If not, I’m sure the chocolate I have hidden in my pantry will do the trick.  Please tell me you relate to this.. or perhaps it’s all just in my head. Either way, please enjoy a cup of strong coffee for me today. May your day go by smoothly with unexpected pockets of joy to keep you motivated. Happy Monday to you!

photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/

Words carry a magical power with the ability to impact others for good or bad.  Have you ever noticed this?  When was the last time someone said something to encourage you?  Do you remember the feeling you felt when this happened?  When this happens to me, I often feel empowered in a way I wasn’t before that person said something.  The opposite is true as well.  When people use harsh language with me, or say things with the intent of bringing me down… sometimes this upsets and makes it hard to manage the rest of the day.

There is a Jewish proverb that says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  As a parent, I try as much as possible to build my kids up by speaking life into them.  When they accomplish small things like helping me out with housework, I try to remember to acknowledge how great they are for assisting me.  There have also been times where I’ve said things which I wish I hadn’t.  I can see how deflated they look and I’m very aware of the fact I caused it to be so.  Fortunately this doesn’t happen to often.

But when words are used to cause harm to another, the impact of those words can last a lifetime.  When we were kids, my dad rarely spoke to us.  The times he did converse with us, he wasn’t talking but always yelling.  Part of this was a cultural thing but still.  His words never comforted me, nor did they ever leave me feeling better about anything.  My inner person was always feeling gray around my father.  But fortunately for me, my father is a transformed person.  And fortunately for my kids, my husband Rob is always encouraging them.

Rob grew up without his dad being present in his life.  His parents divorced when he was a very young child.  You would think he would be more like my father.  But he is just the opposite.  Rob is an amazing father and husband.  He is always speaking life into our lives with encouraging words, acknowledging small milestones, and speaking the truth lovingly.  Without a doubt, this will be his legacy.  This will be what he was known for.  The best part about Rob is this, he is like this with everyone.

Then you have some people who are so angry at the world and the only way they can express their anger is towards other people.  I suppose if they are miserable, part of their mission in life is to make others around them miserable too.  Even today I was in line at the grocery store and the clerk was very upset, on the verge of tears, when it was my turn to be checked out.  She apologized to me for the wait and the funny thing was, I didn’t notice.  On her own initiative, she shared how the woman in front of me was yelling at her and complaining about something (I can’t remember what it was) which was out of the clerks control.  This customer used her words for bringing someone down and that wasn’t cool at all.  As I listened to this poor young lady, I told her how much I enjoyed the service I received and apologized for having to have gone through what she just experienced.  This young gal’s disposition started to change into a more peaceful state.  By the end of my transaction it was clear our conversation redeemed her hope in people.

The whole point of this post is to remind myself and you how powerful our words can be.  Each day we must be conscious of the impact we have with what we say and how we say it.  As far as my legacy is concerned, I would like to be remembered as the one who used her words for good and not for evil.

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